I dislike remakes in general, but Michael Bay can kiss a special place on my ass for remaking and homogenizing every horror classic from my childhood. His Platinum Dunes company is a shit factory, and A Nightmare on Elm Street doesn’t buck the trend. Bay’s director of choice here (miscellaneous hack so-and-so) can’t resist but tinker with Freddy’ backstory, putting too fine a point on things better left unknown, or at least more mysterious (Rob Zombie has the same problem with his Halloween remakes). The leading lady is an unforgivably charisma-less faun in headlights. Jackie Earle Haley’s take on Freddy Krueger isn’t too bad, but he lacks the gleefully sadistic presence of Robert Englund. The makeup job is pretty cool, and a few of the supporting guys do decent jobs, but trying to say something nice about a Michael Bay horror remake is like complimenting the sheen on a turd. Why not just flush it?