1980’s

[7.0] A father and daughter are on the run from a secret government group that experimented on them, giving them frightening powers of telekinesis and spontaneous combustion. David Keith (An Officer and a Gentleman) and Drew Barrymore (E.T.) play our fleeing heroes, while the evil government agency is represented by a terrific roster of actors that includes George C. Scott, Freddie Jones, Moses Gunn, and …

[4.0] Robin Williams and Kurt Russell star in this alleged comedy about a loser (Williams) who decides to recreate the high school football game in which he dropped the ball and lost the game, sentencing his community to years and years of misery and heartache. To care much about The Best of Times, you have to believe that the lost game really sent the town …

[8.5] Paul Verhoeven (Soldier of Orange, RoboCop) brings his devil-may-care attitude toward sex and morality to this slice-of-life story about three young Dutch boys who dream of escaping their restrained provincial lives by winning motor cross competitions. One of the boys, Rien (Hans van Tongeren), has a real chance of unseating the current champion (Rutger Hauer), while Eef (Toon Agterberg) struggles with his sexual identity in dark ways, and …

[3.5] Pia Zadora and Craig Sheffer star in a no-budget sci-fi rock opera that’s so abominable, it’s almost charming. When a bunch of space dudes in pink costumes land on Earth looking for the source of rock music, they find it in Zadora’s singing. While Zadora starts to fall in love with the lead alien guy (Tom Nolan), Sheffer gets jealous and decides to stop …

[5.0] Kris Kristofferson and Cheryl Ladd star in this sci-fi yarn about people from the future who travel into the past to kidnap the passengers of doomed plane crashes right before they die. When Kristofferson, a plane crash investigator, discovers future technology among the wreckage of a recent flight, the future sends a woman (Ladd) to intervene… and the two fall in love. Millennium is …

[7.5] Christmas is coming and Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) is determined to have the best old-time family holiday gathering ever, complete with an amazing house lighting display, the biggest Christmas tree ever, and extended family filling the house with Christmas spirit. Of course, nothing goes according to plan. That’s the point of the Vacation movies — to watch things blow up in Chevy Chase’s face …

[2.0] Kevin Bacon stars in this ridiculously contrived and dull-as-dishwater drama about a stock market whiz who loses everything and decides to enter the allegedly interesting and exciting world of… bicycle delivery service. Quicksilver is and odd fucking movie that treats bicycling the same way Top Gun treats fighter piloting. There’s just one problem with that: zooming over the ocean in a jet plane is …

[6.0] Tom Hanks and Shelley Long star as an engaged couple who make a hasty mansion purchase, only to discover the building is falling apart and needs more repairs than they can likely afford. The Money Pit takes about twenty minutes to get going, but once the house starts falling apart on Hanks and Long, it’s cute enough. There are a couple of fun Rube …

[7.0] Meryl Streep stars in the true story of a plutonium processing worker who is purposefully contaminated with the lethal substance after she initiates a whistle-blowing campaign about the company’s safety standards. Kurt Russel plays the love interest and Cher plays the best-friend and would-be lesbian lover. As directed by Mike Nichols (The Graduate), Silkwood conjures a very specific and palpable setting — the impoverished …

[6.0] This may be one of the least insufferable John Cusack romantic comedies out there. He’s nauseatingly pussy-whipped like always, willing to drill a hole in his own head to catch a piece of hair pie. When his friend (Anthony Edwards) promises there’s a hot blonde (Nicollette Sheridan) ready to bump uglies out in L.A., Cusack, always sickeningly deranged at the mere hint of poon-tang, …

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