[3] In a dystopian world full of garbage and stained walls, an unfunny comedian (Judd Nelson) starts growing a third arm out of his back. His super-annoying friend (Bill Paxton at his worst) sees the aberration as his ticket out of hell and exploits it for all its worth. A smarmy talent agent (Wayne Newton) decides to rep them, and an even bigger agent (Rob …
[2] There’s precious little to keep you interested in this hideous-looking and busily boring shit-fest of a film that is both a nadir for director Tim Burton’s creative trajectory and emblematic of everything wrong with Hollywood in the early 21st century. Much muchness? Indeed. Alice in Wonderland is the cinematic equivalent of a priapism.
[2] When Rob Zombie re-booted Halloween in 2007, trading Michael Myers’ boogeyman mystique for a more pointed psychological explanation for his behavior, I didn’t hate it. While I much prefer not to see the man behind the mask or to understand his motivations, I thought Zombie’s remake was a somewhat interesting experiment. But his version of Halloween II is a whole different and far worse …
[3] A team of L.A. college tennis players try to pull their shit together to win a championship before the dean pulls the plug on their program. I’m all for a good teen sex comedy, but Jocks is neither funny nor sexy enough to satisfy on either level. Instead, you get scenarios out of ’70s sitcoms and one-liners that feel like they were written by …
[2] The short review: WTF? The longer review: From the first opening frame, you know right away this is a cheap, watered down, bargain basement Superman movie. (Thank you, Golan-Globus Productions!) But even if you can overlook the astonishingly awful visual effects, the movie will still disappoint you in other more substantial ways. For starters, the dialogue is pointed, the relationship between Clark and Lois …
[2] I haven’t wanted to walk out of a movie I paid for in a long, long time, but I damn near walked out of this one. “Man of Steel” is ridiculously awful. At best (if I weren’t a Superman fan), it’d be “Transformers 4”, another busily boring, loud, emotionally bankrupt piece of nauseating, over-indulgent, digital miasma. But if you are a Superman fan, this …
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