Tarzan’s Hidden Jungle (1955)

Tarzan’s Hidden Jungle (1955)

[3] Gordon Scott makes his debut as Tarzan in this entry. He's a taller, beefier Tarzan -- kinda cute, but certainly the dumbest of the lot. Poachers are in the jungle (again), and a well-meaning animal doctor is accidentally leading…
Zombie Lake (1981)

Zombie Lake (1981)

[2] German WWII soldiers killed and tossed into a French lake come back for revenge in this underwater Nazi zombie flick that is mostly famous for its generous amount of full-frontal female splendor. But it pretty much fails on all…
The Forest (1982)

The Forest (1982)

[3] A cannibal stalks campers while the ghosts of his two children haunt the forest in this goofy wannabe slasher flick that, despite having nature at the ready, lacks any atmosphere whatsoever. There's a nice scene where a bad actor…
Amityville 3D: The Demon (1983)

Amityville 3D: The Demon (1983)

[2] A worthless, boring sequel that would suck in any number of dimensions. The third act plays like a poor man's Poltergeist and the payoff, featuring a demon that pops out of a hole and belches fire, is nothing but…
The Capture of Bigfoot (1979)

The Capture of Bigfoot (1979)

[1] A business man tries to capitalize on a town's frequent Bigfoot sightings by capturing the creature for his own tourist attraction. This would be an awesome movie if it were 1979 and you'd never seen a movie before. Bigfoot…
The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai (1984)

The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai (1984)

[2] This movie is just too silly and disjointed for me. I hate it and I always have. It's a boring, cheap, un-inventive waste of time and talent. I truly don't get its appeal. The plot is beyond me, and…
Swingers (1996)

Swingers (1996)

[2] Swingers is the reason we cannot let college students with broken hearts have movie cameras. If I had to say something nice about the movie, which somehow launched the careers of director Doug Liman and writer Jon Favreau, it's…
Breeders (1986)

Breeders (1986)

[2] A cheesy-looking bug alien goes on a rape rampage in New York City. Any actress inclined to go full-frontal will wind up the mother of its space spawn! Breeders is a thinly veiled attempt by a porn director (Tim…
Quintet (1979)

Quintet (1979)

[2] Glaciers move faster than Robert Altman's bleak post-apocalyptic drama. The ice-age backdrop is the only interesting thing about Quintet, but it's completely irrelevant to the story line. Paul Newman plays one of the last survivors of the human race,…
Pulse (2006)

Pulse (2006)

[1] Pulse is astonishingly bad in almost every way imaginable. The only nice thing I can say about it is that leading lady Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) seems to be doing the best she can with the material. But other…