Dark Shadows (2012)

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Tim Burton’s big-screen adaptation of Dan Curtis’ cult TV show Dark Shadows wants to be a comedy about a vampire transplanted from centuries past into the 1970s. That movie – one that focused on the vampire’s relationships with his surviving relatives, perhaps gaining their trust by helping them financially — could have been a good one. And thirty minutes into the movie, it looks like that might be the direction we’re headed.

But then plot gets in the way. My God, does it ever get in the way. Because Dark Shadows isn’t about character very much. It’s more about rival fishing canneries and the vampire’s ancient rivalry/romance with the witch who made him a vampire. That’s a different movie. Maybe a good one, but certainly not a funny one.

This Dark Shadows mixes the vamp-out-of-water track and the revenge/romance track and turns into a movie that’s neither very funny nor very interesting. For all the quirky characters and excellent casting, Dark Shadows has few character moments or grace notes. It makes me wonder if maybe the film wasn’t originally much longer, and then slaughtered prior to release by a studio with cold feet? As usual for Burton films, you’ll find large, beautiful sets and exquisite wardrobe work. And cast members Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Eva Green, and Helena Bonham Carter almost shine in tiny moments here and there. But there’s nothing of any genuine substance holding Dark Shadows together.

With Chloe Grace Moretz, Johnny Lee Miller, Jackie Earle Haley, Bella Heathcote, Christopher Lee, and Alice Cooper.