[3]
Britain’s Hammer Films spent over four times their normal budget to produce this goofy prehistoric drama about a caveman (John Richardson) and a cavewoman (Raquel Welch) from different tribes who partner up and brave the wild together, battling various monsters and surviving a climactic earthquake. On one hand, I like that the script, based on a 1940 film, contains next-to-no discernable dialogue. This could have been a chance to showcase visual storytelling, but the production values and design aesthetic are less than convincing and the paper-thin story is just plain boring. Neither Richardson nor Welch are compelling, and Ray Harryhausen’s stop-motion dinosaurs do little to elevate the piece. Mario Nascimbene’s score is effective at times, obnoxious at others.
The only undeniably great thing about this movie is Raquel Welch’s figure. That figure reportedly sold an awful lot of One Million Years B.C. posters, but it doesn’t save the film from being a tedious slog. If it leaned more into intentional camp, it would probably have played better for me. Instead, it tries too hard to be serious, and that’s an insurmountable task when you’re battling giant turtles and iguanas in a fur bikini.
With Percy Herbert, Robert Brown, and Martine Beswick. Directed by Don Chaffey (Jason and the Argonauts, Creatures the World Forgot).