[4]

Bless Patrick Dempsey for acting his little heart out in this schmaltzy, cliche-ridden ’80s overdose. It’s basically a story of boy rents girl. Dempsey’s character is a loser who pays a popular girl (Amanda Peterson, also acting her heart out) one thousand dollars to be his girlfriend for a month. Since she’s in a pinch for the cash, she agrees and kinda falls in love with the dork, all while he sinks further and further into the sort of douchebaggery only popularity can afford. Once Dempsey scrapes the bottom of the douchebag barrel, he sees the error of his ways and makes amends. Oh, and boy gets girl. Duh. This formula is old as sin, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be dusted off and warmed up every few years. Unfortunately, director Steve Rash and writer Michael Swerdlick breathe no new life into it whatsoever. Can’t Buy Me Love comes complete with the silly little brother sidekick (Seth Green), the aloof parents, the obligatory prom dance with appalled high school teacher chaperones, and every sort of high school stereotype you can imagine. The insipid dialogue Dempsey and Peterson share in their ‘romantic’ moments is barf-inducing, and the third act is far more overwrought than the drama warrants (composer Robert Folk is among the guilty parties here). See this movie if you love Patrick Dempsey, or have a burning desire to see Seth Green receive two farts to the face (cuz that happens). Otherwise, just about anything with John Hughes or Amy Heckerling’s names attached will serve you better.