Twilight (2008)
[5] You know this story by now, even if you haven't seen the movie: Girl meets vampire, girl wants to screw the vampire, but vampire is too good for that shit. I don't generally like a story where one character…
Toy Story 3 (2010)
[8] It's been 11 years since Toy Story 2, and the same amount of time has passed in Buzz and Woody's world. Andy is now heading off to college and the toys' fates are up in the air. Will they…
Push (2009)
[3] Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning star as supernaturally gifted people on the run from a government agency that wants to control their powers. Think X-Men, but way watered down and not nearly as cool. There's some mediocre action in…
Twilight: Eclipse (2010)
[4] Director David Slade (Hard Candy, 30 Days of Night) tries to elevate the material to Lord of the Rings status, with several gratuitous aerial fly-over shots and a suitably brooding score from 'Rings' composer Howard Shore. But, somehow, infuriatingly,…
Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole (2010)
[6] Too mature for children, but too immature for adults, Legend of the Guardians may never find an audience beyond those thirteen years of age or thirteen at heart (guilty as charged.) It's a dark, computer-animated fantasy based on a…
Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
[7] Hey, it's another Spider-Man movie! Before I've even finished processing the previous two incarnations of the franchise. Tom Holland takes over the title role after making an appearance as Spidey in Captain America: Civil War. The best thing about…
Beauty and the Beast (1991)
[8] Disney goes Broadway in the first animated motion picture ever nominated for a Best Picture Oscar (in the days before they rolled out a separate category for the medium). This version of the classic fairy tale is fueled by…
Master of the World (1961)
[3] American International takes a break from Edgar Allen Poe pictures to slam two Jules Verne books together for a movie called Master of the World (based on the book of the same title and Robur, the Conqueror). Vincent Price…
Wonder Woman (2017)
[8] After many failed attempts (here, here, and here) to compete with Marvel by launching their own 'expanded universe', DC has finally pulled their shit together. Wonder Woman works. It works as an origin story for the character, it works…
Kong: Skull Island (2017)
[3] Hello, it's the 1990s. We want our big, stupid action movie back. I really, really disliked this movie. It's so devoid of emotion and tediously boring, I thought about leaving before it was over. It's like Con-Air for the 2010s…