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With two-time Oscar-winning director Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain, Life of Pi) at the helm, and a cast that includes Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Nick Nolte, and Sam Elliott, you should reasonably expect a much better movie than Hulk turns out to be. I mean, wow. It’s so not good.

The script begins with an abundance of exposition that never seems to stop. Bana as Bruce Banner (Hulk’s alter-ego) and Connelly as his love interest are not introduced in any memorable sort of way, and the two lack any chemistry. Connelly is a gorgeous lady, but it’s like she’s dead inside here. And you know how superhero movies always over-complicate their plotting by insisting on too many villains? Same problem here. You get the Nolte father figure and Elliott’s army meanie character both vying for every third scene in the movie. Neither are terribly interesting, and when the film resolves the conflict with one bad guy, your heart just sinks realizing you’ve got at least another 20 minutes to go while the big green guy has to go vanquish the other one. Hulk is tediously plotted, almost like it was written on the fly during production (who knows, maybe it was?)

And the Hulk himself — not convincing. He looks like a big green baby in a purple diaper. Those eyes are way too cute. And the super-high jumping through the air? What the hell is that? It’s just silly. So are the mutant dogs that Hulk fights. And so is the fact that his enormous giant pair of purple shorts somehow magically shrinks to fit him when he turns back into Bruce Banner.

I wish I could blame the script for everything, but Lee’s style is also tedious here. Most scene transitions and even a good number of shot-to-shot transitions are played out comic-book style, with picture-in-picture, garish wipes, and other tacky editing techniques that stick out like a sore thumb. So not cool.

Danny Elfman’s score is decent, but it’s not like we’ve never heard a Danny Elfman superhero score before.