The Dead Don’t Die (2019)

The Dead Don’t Die (2019)

[2] The days become unnaturally long in the town of Centerville, where two cops played by Adam Driver and Bill Murray drive around protecting the community. But when zombies begin roaming the streets, they find themselves in over their heads…
The Watcher (2000)

The Watcher (2000)

[2] James Spader and Keanu Reeves star in this tired, busily boring, and wretchedly made thriller about a serial killer who likes to play games with the FBI agent on his trail. I can't fault Spader for doing his best…
The Predator (2018)

The Predator (2018)

[1] When I heard Shane Black (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, screenwriter behind Lethal Weapon) was directing and Fred Dekker (The Monster Squad) was cowriting, I thought The Predator would have the right ingredients for a successful relaunch. I don't know…
Godzilla (1998)

Godzilla (1998)

[2] A giant radioactive lizard terrorizes New York City. There are probably at least 100 different ways this could have been more interesting and exciting, but producers Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich (Independence Day) instead opt to make their Godzilla…
Thrashin’ (1986)

Thrashin’ (1986)

[2] Thrashin' is the quintessential bad '80s movie. There's an anemic plot involving two warring skateboarding gangs and a boy who falls in love with the sister of a rival gang member. It's a goofy Romeo and Juliet on tiny…
Ghosts of Mars (2001)

Ghosts of Mars (2001)

[2] John Carpenter has given us a handful of gems over the years, but Ghosts of Mars is not one of them. The movie's too exotic for its own good. It starts with some quick but tedious exposition, then plops…
Strange Interlude (1932)

Strange Interlude (1932)

[2] This laughably bad melodrama is based on a Eugene O'Neill stage play about a woman who cheats on her mentally ill husband in order to have a kid who won't end up in the looney bin. Clark Gable and…
Teen Wolf Too (1987)

Teen Wolf Too (1987)

[2] The charm that young Jason Bateman exhibited on television's The Hogan Family is absent here, stifled by a painfully insipid script and direct-to-video production values. I can't think of another movie sequel that so closely mimics its predecessor. The…
Twilight: New Moon (2009)

Twilight: New Moon (2009)

[2] A bunch of sad, scowling, mopey teenagers cry and whine for two hours because they're afraid to fuck each other. Some of them are vampires, some of them are werewolves, but nothing ever comes of it. And the main…
Troll 2 (1990)

Troll 2 (1990)

[5] In the 'so bad, it's (almost) good' category, welcome to Troll 2. When a vacationing family discover a town full of goblins disguised as people, they have to escape before they become goblin food. This is one of the…