[2] Thrashin’ is the quintessential bad ’80s movie. There’s an anemic plot involving two warring skateboarding gangs and a boy who falls in love with the sister of a rival gang member. It’s a goofy Romeo and Juliet on tiny wheels, where none of the kids have parents and most of life’s mysteries are answered with a good musical montage. Thrashin’ is really just a …
[5] There was definitely potential. A dark Disney movie based on Lloyd Alexander’s Chronicles of Prydain, about a farm boy’s brave attempt to stop a demonic king from conquering the land with his army of skeletal warriors? Sign me up! Unfortunately, Disney wasn’t willing to go the full mile with PG content (even the current dvd is edited for violence). It didn’t help that their …
[8] A teenager (C. Thomas Howell) picks up a hitcher (Rutger Hauer) in the middle of a rainy night and barely escapes to tell the tale. Unfortunately, that first night’s escape is only the beginning. The hitcher is relentless, pursuing the boy on the open road, framing him for murder, and forcing him to bare witness to his carnage. Hauer is at his psychopathic best …
[6] Two boys accidentally uncover a portal to hell and then have to fend off the demons that emerge from it. Probably for budgetary reasons, The Gate takes place almost entirely in one house, but the menace really needed to grow beyond in order to make a bigger impression. The demons themselves lack identity. They take the form of tiny monsters, one big monster, and …
[8] Special effects maestro Ray Harryhausen brings Greek myths to life in Clash of the Titans. The story centers on heroic Perseus, favored son of Zeus, who must accomplish several deadly chores in order to save his beloved Andromeda from being sacrificed to the monstrous Kraken. The film features a wide array of stop-motion animated characters, including Pegasus the winged horse, Bubo the mechanical owl, …
[8] Harrison Ford must hide among the Amish after he discovers corruption within his police department. Witness was an opportunity for Ford to show his acting chops, and it remains one of his best performances. This was the first American film made by Australian director Peter Weir (Picnic at Hanging Rock, Fearless). Weir is probably my favorite director. He balances poetic license with elegant restraint …
[5] After the unbridled silliness of Moonraker, For Your Eyes Only makes an effort to dial down the franchise’s more comic-book qualities. After an unceremonious pre-title demise of long-time supervillain Blofeld, For Your Eyes Only achieves that goal, but it struggles to forge a unique identity in the series. With yet another villain seeking nuclear power and a rehash of skiing and underwater stunts from …
[2] The charm that young Jason Bateman exhibited on television’s The Hogan Family is absent here, stifled by a painfully insipid script and direct-to-video production values. I can’t think of another movie sequel that so closely mimics its predecessor. The only differences between the two movies are the lead actor and the sport they play. The film even returns several inconsequential supporting characters, whether they’re …
[6] Don Bluth’s films (The Land Before Time, The Secret of NIMH) tend to be too mature for children and too immature for adults. Consider All Dogs Go to Heaven, where one moment you have cutsey critters singing a cringe-worthy song about sharing, and then you have a dog literally escaping hell to say goodbye to the little orphan girl he betrayed. At least All …
[6] Roger Moore is looking worse for wear in his penultimate outing as James Bond, but Octopussy still satisfies on most levels. This time around, Bond is trying to uncover a global jewel-smuggling operation that ends up being a cover for a nuclear attack against NATO forces. I like that Desmond Llewelyn, as curmudgeonly Q, has a larger part this time around, and I’m also …
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