Zombie Lake (1981)

Zombie Lake (1981)

[2] German WWII soldiers killed and tossed into a French lake come back for revenge in this underwater Nazi zombie flick that is mostly famous for its generous amount of full-frontal female splendor. But it pretty much fails on all…
Chariots of Fire (1981)

Chariots of Fire (1981)

[3] A Jew and a Christian compete in the 1924 Olympics, both running in the name of God and adversity. I'm sorry to say I just couldn't give a shit. I couldn't empathize with their motivations. They feel God when…
The Forest (1982)

The Forest (1982)

[3] A cannibal stalks campers while the ghosts of his two children haunt the forest in this goofy wannabe slasher flick that, despite having nature at the ready, lacks any atmosphere whatsoever. There's a nice scene where a bad actor…
Out of Africa (1985)

Out of Africa (1985)

[7] In colonial Kenya, a Danish baroness has an ongoing affair with a big game hunter. On one hand, Sydney Pollacks' Oscar-winning best picture is long and subdued. But on the other hand, it does a great job transporting you to…
Amityville 3D: The Demon (1983)

Amityville 3D: The Demon (1983)

[2] A worthless, boring sequel that would suck in any number of dimensions. The third act plays like a poor man's Poltergeist and the payoff, featuring a demon that pops out of a hole and belches fire, is nothing but…
Playing for Keeps (1986)

Playing for Keeps (1986)

[4] Miramax moguls Bob and Harvey Weinstein directed and co-wrote this uninspired teen comedy about three high school graduates who transform a dilapidated bed & breakfast into a hip & happening getaway for young people. It's like leftovers from half…
Forbidden Zone (1980)

Forbidden Zone (1980)

[7] Diminutive Herve Villechaize (TV's Fantasy Island) stars in this gift from cult movie heaven for which no summary could do justice, Forbidden Zone is a prolonged crash of the whacky and perverse. The utterly irreverent storyline tests my patience in…
Dune (1984)

Dune (1984)

[9] Dino DeLaurentiis foots the bill for this gravely ambitious film adaptation of Frank Herbert's classic sci-fi novel about the messianic rise of an off-lander who rallies a reclusive desert civilization in a fight against galactic takeover. Hot off The…
Maniac (1980)

Maniac (1980)

[7] More of a verite, psychological approach to the slasher genre than most of the '80s slasher windfall, William Lustig's Maniac rises above its exploitation roots by putting us inside the killer's mind and keeping us there, even as his sanity…
Xtro (1983)

Xtro (1983)

[4] As far as I could tell, Xtro is about a father who is abducted by aliens, then returned to his family as a strange alien-human hybrid. But I'm not sure. First, there's a weird crabby-looking monster in the woods,…