[6] After surviving two rounds with the xenomorphs, Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) crash-lands on a planet where a few dozen convicts have found God in an abandoned mining facility. But God can’t save them from the alien that stowed away with Ripley, especially after Ripley learns she herself is impregnated with the next alien queen. Alien 3 was doomed to become the cautionary example of how …
[3] A pregnant woman and her boyfriend visit Big Mamma’s whorehouse and abortion clinic, where her fetus is flushed down the toilet into a sewer of toxic waste. The critter manages to survive and seek revenge on everyone at Big Mamma’s place, hookers, johns, and all. The Suckling, also called Sewage Baby in some markets, is bottom-of-the-barrel in production value and has acting that ranges …
[7] Two years after his wife Gillian (Michelle Pfeiffer) died in a boating accident, David (Peter Gallagher) keeps her alive in his imagination through nightly frolics and conversations on the beach at night. As family and friends come together to celebrate what would have been Gillian’s 37th birthday, David’s sister-in-law (Kathy Baker) says she’ll seek legal custody of his worried teenaged daughter (Claire Danes) if …
[7] Christina Ricci definitively sheds her child-star persona in The Opposite of Sex, playing a snarky teen who runs away from mother and crashes with her older gay half-brother (Martin Donovan). After she seduces his naïve young lover (Ivan Sergei) and becomes pregnant, she hits the road with her baby daddy, forcing the half-brother and his bitter sister-in-law (Lisa Kudrow) into hot pursuit. The Opposite …
[4] Mike Myers suspects his girlfriend may be a serial killer in this alleged comedy. Look, I love Mike Myers as much as the next person, and when he’s allowed room to cut loose in a movie, that movie generally works. But in So I Married an Axe Murderer from writer Robbie Fox and director Thomas Schlamme, there’s nothing funny or interesting about the main …
[6] John McClane (Bruce Willis) has another run-in with terrorists on Christmas Eve, this time at Dulles Airport in Washington DC. McClane fights a rogue faction of U.S. military who sympathize with a deposed dictator being flown in for justice. Meanwhile, McClane’s wife (Bonnie Bedelia) is trapped on one of the many circling airplanes that are running out of fuel during a snowstorm. The Die …
[3] In the sewers beneath New York City, a big talking rat trains four big talking turtles to become ninja warriors so they can be shadowy superheroes to would-be victims in the night. Now, right away, you’re either going to run with this or you’re not. I can run with it — but what I can’t run with in this first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles …
[8] Four boys are sent to a juvenile detention center where they are raped and brutalized by the guards. Thirteen years later, two of the boys have a chance encounter with the head guard that ends in vengeful bloodshed. It’s then up to the other two boys, one now a district attorney, to free their convicted pals and enact revenge on all the remaining guards. …
[3] Chris O’Donnell and Drew Barrymore star in this teenaged drama/romance about high school students who hit the road after Barrymore’s parents put her in a psychiatric ward for attempting suicide. The young lovers think the open road and fresh air will cure whatever ails Barrymore, but it turns out that her mental illness is real — and potentially dangerous. I’m glad a movie like …
[7] Jeff Goldblum and director Steven Spielberg return for the first Jurassic Park sequel. Goldblum’s character first scoffs at John Hammond’s (Richard Attenborough) request to catalog and study the flourishing dinosaurs at a second ‘Site B’ island. But when he discovers his paleontologist girlfriend (Julianne Moore) is already there, Goldblum launches a rescue mission. Once on the island, our heroes discover Hammond’s desire to preserve …
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