Valley Girl (1983)

Valley Girl (1983)

[5] A girl from the San Fernando valley (Deborah Foreman) falls for a city boy (Nicolas Cage), much to the chagrin of superficial friends. Martha Coolidge's Valley Girl hit the scene just as John Hughes began directing his string of…
Never Say Never Again (1983)

Never Say Never Again (1983)

[4] Sean Connery returns for his final outing as James Bond in Never Say Never Again, a remake of Thunderball and the only Bond film not produced by Cubbi Broccoli's EON Productions. Since it's an "unofficial" entry in the franchise,…
Psycho II (1983)

Psycho II (1983)

[4] I don't think a Psycho sequel could ever possibly work, but that doesn't stop screenwriter Tom Holland from giving it the old college try. The script paints Norman Bates (a returning Anthony Perkins) very sympathetically -- reformed, recently released,…
Jaws 3-D (1983)

Jaws 3-D (1983)

[3] The shark is back, this time working its way into Sea World in Florida where it threatens the tourists. Now, I'm okay if you want to keep bringing back the same shark for four movies, even though it is…
Amityville 3D: The Demon (1983)

Amityville 3D: The Demon (1983)

[2] A worthless, boring sequel that would suck in any number of dimensions. The third act plays like a poor man's Poltergeist and the payoff, featuring a demon that pops out of a hole and belches fire, is nothing but…
Xtro (1983)

Xtro (1983)

[4] As far as I could tell, Xtro is about a father who is abducted by aliens, then returned to his family as a strange alien-human hybrid. But I'm not sure. First, there's a weird crabby-looking monster in the woods,…
The Keep (1983)

The Keep (1983)

[4] Nazis, a Jewish doctor, his daughter, and a stranger with glowing eyes converge upon a fortress inside the Carpathian mountains where a supernatural creature is trying to escape. The concept, combined with Michael Mann's stylish direction and an impressive…
One Dark Night (1983)

One Dark Night (1983)

[4] Dead psychic vampire raises the dead to torment a girl trapped in a mausoleum. Okay, sure. A little slower-paced than I would like. Also, the subplot with the dead psychic's daughter listening to her dad's tapes is pretty dull.…
Screwballs (1983)

Screwballs (1983)

[7] Screwballs and others of its ilk were one of few ways a teenager could hope to 'sneak a peek' in the pre-internet days. Today, boobs are just a mouse click away, and you don't have to be coy about…
Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)

Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)

[7] A mysterious carnival rolls into town, granting wishes at a sinister cost in Disney's adaptation of the Ray Bradbury story. I wish the film were more strongly from the perspective of the two leading boys and that their parts…