1983

[4] Sean Connery returns for his final outing as James Bond in Never Say Never Again, a remake of Thunderball and the only Bond film not produced by Cubbi Broccoli’s EON Productions. Since it’s an “unofficial” entry in the franchise, you won’t hear Monty Norman’s famous theme music anywhere, nor will you see another snazzy title sequence from Maurice Binder. And who are these strange …

[4] I don’t think a Psycho sequel could ever possibly work, but that doesn’t stop screenwriter Tom Holland from giving it the old college try. The script paints Norman Bates (a returning Anthony Perkins) very sympathetically — reformed, recently released, and ready to start a new life. But someone keeps playing tricks on Norman, leading him to believe his domineering mother is still alive. The …

[3] The shark is back, this time working its way into Sea World in Florida where it threatens the tourists. Now, I’m okay if you want to keep bringing back the same shark for four movies, even though it is literally blown to bits at the end of all four of them. For some reason I’ll never be able to explain, I’m even okay with …

[2] A worthless, boring sequel that would suck in any number of dimensions. The third act plays like a poor man’s Poltergeist and the payoff, featuring a demon that pops out of a hole and belches fire, is nothing but laughable. The third rate cast includes the incredibly bad Tess Harper, as well as Lori Loughlin (Full House), and Meg Ryan in one of her …

[4] As far as I could tell, Xtro is about a father who is abducted by aliens, then returned to his family as a strange alien-human hybrid. But I’m not sure. First, there’s a weird crabby-looking monster in the woods, then it rapes a woman, then the woman gives birth to a fully-grown man (the single reason to see this movie. The man begins to …

[4] Nazis, a Jewish doctor, his daughter, and a stranger with glowing eyes converge upon a fortress inside the Carpathian mountains where a supernatural creature is trying to escape. The concept, combined with Michael Mann’s stylish direction and an impressive cast that includes Scott Glenn, Ian McKellen, Gabriel Byrne, Robert Prosky, and Jurgen Prochnow, sounds like it could be the recipe for a cool, quirky …

[4] Dead psychic vampire raises the dead to torment a girl trapped in a mausoleum. Okay, sure. A little slower-paced than I would like. Also, the subplot with the dead psychic’s daughter listening to her dad’s tapes is pretty dull. We get a dash of suspense and gore in the last 20 minutes, though. Not much, I’m afraid. The cast is at least attractive and …

[7] Screwballs and others of its ilk were one of few ways a teenager could hope to ‘sneak a peek’ in the pre-internet days. Today, boobs are just a mouse click away, and you don’t have to be coy about it, either — you can go right into the hard stuff. This makes it difficult for some to appreciate the teenage sex comedy, a genre …

[7] A mysterious carnival rolls into town, granting wishes at a sinister cost in Disney’s adaptation of the Ray Bradbury story. I wish the film were more strongly from the perspective of the two leading boys and that their parts were better written. But this is still a pretty entertaining fable that achieves some genuinely spooky moments. Jonathan Pryce steals the show as the carnival’s …

[6] Matt Dillon stars in this Francis Ford Coppola film about a high school hooligan who’s infamous older brother (Mickey Rourke) comes back to town to try and change his bleak outlook on life. Rumble Fish is based on a novel by The Outsiders author, S.E. Hinton. It’s a less compelling story and lacks a strong narrative through-line. Dillon does a fine job carrying the …

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