[2]

A bunch of sad, scowling, mopey teenagers cry and whine for two hours because they’re afraid to fuck each other. Some of them are vampires, some of them are werewolves, but nothing ever comes of it. And the main girl? Man, let me tell you. This chick is in MASSIVE need of some serious fucking. If she doesn’t get laid soon, I don’t know what’s going to happen. She might explode. There are hilarious scenes in this movie where she just shakes in her bed, sobbing and moaning, because she needs laid so bad. She also sits in a chair and stares out a window for, literally, THREE WHOLE MONTHS, while her lily rots on the vine.

I already knew the Twilight franchise was super-dumb, but I didn’t expect this sequel to also be super-boring. They should have combined books two and three into one movie, or, God, I don’t know — not made the movies in the first place? The characters are shallow, the plot in this second movie is non-existent, and the “heavy” romance that sends so many young girls into fits of ecstasy is so superficial and over-the-top, it plays like nothing more than really bad soap opera. And vampires that sparkle? Lame.