Xtro (1983)
[4] As far as I could tell, Xtro is about a father who is abducted by aliens, then returned to his family as a strange alien-human hybrid. But I'm not sure. First, there's a weird crabby-looking monster in the woods,…
The Dreamers (2003)
[7] Bernardo Bertolucci (The Last Emperor) takes on the intimate tale of an American student (Michael Pitt) who falls into an intense, unusual relationship with French siblings (Louis Garrel and Eva Green). The sexually-explicit escapades earned the film an NC-17…
The Change-Up (2011)
[3] I'm all for slummin' it through a naughty romp every now and then, and sex comedies are even a favorite genre of mine. But The Change-Up reeks of pathetic desperation, actually giving dick, fart, piss, and boob jokes a…
Pandorum (2009)
[4] Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster star in this sci-fi thriller about astronauts who awaken from hypersleep with total memory loss. The filmmakers are hellbent on keeping everything mysterious to the very end: where are we? who are we? what…
Tarzan’s Magic Fountain (1949)
[5] Lex Barker takes over the loincloth from Johnny Weissmuller, who was simply getting too old and heavy to continue swinging on vines. Unfortunately, what Barker has in looks, he lacks in charisma. The story in this Lost Horizon-esque episode…
Tarzan and the Slave Girl (1950)
[6] A secret civilization is dying of a mysterious disease, so they start kidnapping women to repopulate! Lex Barker swings into action in his second outing as Tarzan, determined to rescue Jane (Vanessa Brown) and a lustful, headstrong nurse (Denise…
Tarzan’s Peril (1951)
[5] Lex Barker's third outing in the loincloth has him caught up with gunrunners, warring tribes, and even a man-eating jungle plant. The script is more scatter-shot than usual, but Barker seems more comfortable in the role than before, playing…
Tarzan’s Savage Fury (1952)
[5] Tarzan is tricked into guiding smugglers to a village of dangerous natives who guard a secret stash of diamonds in Tarzan's Savage Fury. Lex Barker's penultimate swing in the loincloth is the first to dabble with the Greystoke lineage…
Star Trek: Beyond (2016)
[8] J.J. Abrams hands the reigns to director Justin Lin (director of several Fast and Furious movies), working from a script co-written by Scotty (Simon Pegg). The result? A damn solid entry in the Star Trek franchise, possibly the best…
Ghostbusters (2016)
[6] This isn't a reboot -- it's damn near a paint-by-numbers remake of the 1984 original. But for a remake, it's not too bad -- thanks primarily to the all-female ensemble. While none of the women have a chance to truly soar…