[7] It’s rare, but here we have a remake that is better than the original. Kevin Dillon stars as a high school boy trying to warn his community that a blobular alien is devouring everyone in its sight. There are a few corny moments I could have done without (the motorcycle jump, for one), but Chuck Russell’s (Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriros) …
[6] In order to make The Dark Crystal, Jim Henson and company first had to make the financiers a sequel to their successful Muppet Movie. And so The Great Muppet Caper was born. It’s not as epic or inspirational as the first film, and the songs are nowhere near as magical either, but the sequel isn’t too shabby in its own right. Kermit, Fozzy, and …
[7] This is the kind of ’80s cheese that works for me. Virginia Madsen plays a girl trapped in Catholic school. Craig Sheffer plays a convict in a correctional camp pretty close to Madsen’s school. The two meet in the woods one day, instantly fall for one another, but can’t get any mackin’ time for all the nuns and nasty wardens. So they plot a …
[6] Splash is a sweet-enough fantasy rom-com from Ron Howard (his second feature). Tom Hanks stars as a man who falls in love with a mysterious woman who just happens to be a mermaid. Darryl Hannah plays the fish; John Candy and Eugene Levy ham it up in supporting roles. The best scenes are ones where Hannah tries to hide her true nature, including a …
[4] Dead psychic vampire raises the dead to torment a girl trapped in a mausoleum. Okay, sure. A little slower-paced than I would like. Also, the subplot with the dead psychic’s daughter listening to her dad’s tapes is pretty dull. We get a dash of suspense and gore in the last 20 minutes, though. Not much, I’m afraid. The cast is at least attractive and …
[7] Screwballs and others of its ilk were one of few ways a teenager could hope to ‘sneak a peek’ in the pre-internet days. Today, boobs are just a mouse click away, and you don’t have to be coy about it, either — you can go right into the hard stuff. This makes it difficult for some to appreciate the teenage sex comedy, a genre …
[2] A cheesy-looking bug alien goes on a rape rampage in New York City. Any actress inclined to go full-frontal will wind up the mother of its space spawn! Breeders is a thinly veiled attempt by a porn director (Tim Kincaid) to go ‘legit’. The result is a perfect mash-up of a B-monster movie and soft core porn, with copious female nudity, a handful of …
[7] A mysterious carnival rolls into town, granting wishes at a sinister cost in Disney’s adaptation of the Ray Bradbury story. I wish the film were more strongly from the perspective of the two leading boys and that their parts were better written. But this is still a pretty entertaining fable that achieves some genuinely spooky moments. Jonathan Pryce steals the show as the carnival’s …
[6] Emilio Estevez and Craig Sheffer star as two high school best friends experiencing a rough transition into adulthood. While Sheffer’s character is falling in love and leaving behind his delinquent ways, Estevez continues down the darker path, dabbling in drugs and antagonizing thugs and police. Estevez adapted the screenplay from S.E. Hinton’s (The Outsiders) novel. The character arcs aren’t as well defined or pronounced …
[8] A group of kids who call themselves the Goonies rally together for one last adventure before they’re all forced by a real estate meanie to move away from their Pacific northwest coastal community. They find a map and follow it to hidden treasure, encountering criminals on the run from the law, a deformed cellar-dweller, bats, booby traps, and more. I was eleven when I …
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