Chariots of Fire (1981)
[3] A Jew and a Christian compete in the 1924 Olympics, both running in the name of God and adversity. I'm sorry to say I just couldn't give a shit. I couldn't empathize with their motivations. They feel God when…
Out of Africa (1985)
[7] In colonial Kenya, a Danish baroness has an ongoing affair with a big game hunter. On one hand, Sydney Pollacks' Oscar-winning best picture is long and subdued. But on the other hand, it does a great job transporting you to…
Cimarron (1931)
[5] This early Oscar-winning best picture is uneven at best. Richard Dix makes for a hammy lead, while Irene Dunne is stuck playing his harpy of a wife. The film follows the two as they move west to Oklahoma at…
The Greatest Show on Earth (1952)
[6] Charlton Heston headlines an ensemble cast in Cecil B. DeMille's The Greatest Show on Earth. We're talking, of course, about the Circus -- and the lives of the people who put it on. Heston plays the owner and manager…
The Great Ziegfeld (1936)
[5] This early Best Picture Oscar winner is a three-hour mix of song, dance, and narrative, much like Broadway Melody before it. I was expecting a real stinker, especially when the opening credits revealed "Fashion Parades by Adrian". But apart…
12 Years a Slave (2013)
[8] Director Steve McQueen (Hunger, Shame) brings to life the true-life story of Solomon Northup, a free black man from New York who is kidnapped and sold into Southern slavery. Northup endures two different owners and many harrowing experiences before…
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)
[9] Birdman swoops into cineplexes offering the antidote to superhero hysteria, CGI migraines, and Hollywood's usual hackneyed, formulaic bullshit. It's goddamned original, a showcase for skill and craft, and a breath of fresh fucking air. Michael Keaton turns in a…
The Life of Emile Zola (1937)
[7] Paul Muni stars as Emile Zola, the famous French author whose critical writings brought the scorn of the French government, especially when he came out in support of a wrongfully-condemned army officer. The first half of this film, directed…
Around the World in 80 Days (1956)
[4] Around the World in 80 Days is a three-hour-long, episodic adventure that's high on spectacle and low on story or character. I wager it played better to a 1950s audience interested in seeing a cliche-ridden "It's a Small World"-like…
Gigi (1958)
[3] What a shitty Best Picture winner Gigi is. It's a musical about an unhappy playboy (Louis Jourdan) and an unhappy debutante (Leslie Caron) who fall in love, but then out of love, and back in love, and out, and…