[2] German WWII soldiers killed and tossed into a French lake come back for revenge in this underwater Nazi zombie flick that is mostly famous for its generous amount of full-frontal female splendor. But it pretty much fails on all other counts: terrible makeup effects, chintzy war recreation scenes, underwater photography that was obviously shot in a YMCA pool, and a ridiculously sentimental subplot involving a …
[3] I dislike remakes in general, but Michael Bay can kiss a special place on my ass for remaking and homogenizing every horror classic from my childhood. His Platinum Dunes company is a shit factory, and A Nightmare on Elm Street doesn’t buck the trend. Bay’s director of choice here (miscellaneous hack so-and-so) can’t resist but tinker with Freddy’s backstory, putting too fine a point …
[2] A worthless, boring sequel that would suck in any number of dimensions. The third act plays like a poor man’s Poltergeist and the payoff, featuring a demon that pops out of a hole and belches fire, is nothing but laughable. The third rate cast includes the incredibly bad Tess Harper, as well as Lori Loughlin (Full House), and Meg Ryan in one of her …
[4] Director Renny Harlin’s cut of this film is more quickly-paced and energetic than Paul Schrader’s (both films feature the same story and most of the same cast), but it has the misfortune of stepping in a big pile of silly toward the end. Is that Beelzebub or Bugs Bunny we’re supposed to be cowering before? Stellan Skarsgard is great as a younger Father Merrin (Max …
[5] A charmless, mediocre retelling of the 1985 cult favorite about a high school boy who discovers a vampire has moved in next door. Despite being penned by Buffy the Vampire Slayer alum Marti Noxon, the script moves far too fast, passing every opportunity to build tension or suspense. Colin Farrell is better than usual as the vamp, but he can’t conjure half the swagger …
[4] I thought the first Conjuring movie was moderately entertaining (for a warmed-up rehash of horror cliches), and was hoping for an improvement the second time around. The sequel could have entertained me by being more about Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga), the paranormal investigators who can’t stop helping haunted families even when their aid poses psychic threats to their own lives. …
[6] Mira Sorvino, Jeremy Northam, Josh Brolin, and Charles S. Dutton star in this creature feature about evolved cockroaches that threaten to overtake New York City. Director Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth) admits that the film’s narrative was watered down by a series of studio concessions, but it still highlights his visual flair and palpable atmosphere. The creature work is an admirable combination of puppetry …
[6] Matt Reeves, the director of Cloverfield, makes the second stab at John Ajvide Lindqvist’s novel about a twelve-year-old boy who unwittingly befriends a vampire girl. (A Swedish film version, Let the Right One In, was released in 2008.) The remake bends the material more toward an American sensibility, and as a result the American version is of course faster-paced, less nuanced, and far less …
[4] There really isn’t a compelling reason for those ghosts to continue haunting poor little Carol Anne (Heather O’Rourke). But if it were a stand-alone movie outside a famous franchise, Poltergeist III might not have been half bad. There’s inventive use of mirrors throughout the movie (it’s how the spirits travel this time around), and the aspect of a broken family trying to reforge itself …
[5] There’s a good concept at the core of this Wes Craven/Kevin Williamson (Scream) collaboration — a brother and sister coming to terms with the fact that they may be werewolves. But serious werewolf fans will bemoan the cheesy Hollywood setting and the sub-par computer-animated effects. I liked Jesse Eisenberg as the brother, but Christina Ricci and pretty much the rest of the entire cast …
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