Splash (1984)
[6] Splash is a sweet-enough fantasy rom-com from Ron Howard (his second feature). Tom Hanks stars as a man who falls in love with a mysterious woman who just happens to be a mermaid. Darryl Hannah plays the fish; John Candy and…
One Dark Night (1983)
[4] Dead psychic vampire raises the dead to torment a girl trapped in a mausoleum. Okay, sure. A little slower-paced than I would like. Also, the subplot with the dead psychic's daughter listening to her dad's tapes is pretty dull. We get…
Screwballs (1983)
[7] Screwballs and others of its ilk were one of few ways a teenager could hope to 'sneak a peek' in the pre-internet days. Today, boobs are just a mouse click away, and you don't have to be coy about it, either…
Breeders (1986)
[2] A cheesy-looking bug alien goes on a rape rampage in New York City. Any actress inclined to go full-frontal will wind up the mother of its space spawn! Breeders is a thinly veiled attempt by a porn director (Tim Kincaid) to…
Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)
[7] A mysterious carnival rolls into town, granting wishes at a sinister cost in Disney's adaptation of the Ray Bradbury story. I wish the film were more strongly from the perspective of the two leading boys and that their parts were better…
That Was Then… This Is Now (1985)
[6] Emilio Estevez and Craig Sheffer star as two high school best friends experiencing a rough transition into adulthood. While Sheffer's character is falling in love and leaving behind his delinquent ways, Estevez continues down the darker path, dabbling in drugs and…
The Goonies (1985)
[8] A group of kids who call themselves the Goonies rally together for one last adventure before they're all forced by a real estate meanie to move away from their Pacific northwest coastal community. They find a map and follow it to…
Firstborn (1984)
[6] Christopher Collet plays a tenth-grader whose divorced mother brings a drug-dealing boyfriend home in this drama from Michael Apted (Nell, Gorillas in the Mist). The movie is pretty solid for its first two-thirds, ratcheting up the tension and creating a good…
The Last American Virgin (1982)
[7] While we were all enjoying the happy horny homogeneity of early '80s teen sex comedies, along came The Last American Virgin, a remake of a 1978 Israeli film Lemon Popsicle. It starts off like any other of its ilk, with three…
The Burning (1981)
[7] This stand-alone slasher flick from Bob and Harvey Weinstein (the first Miramax film production) rivals the best of the Friday the 13th fare. The requisite nubile flesh and gory kill scenes are here, but the teen protagonists are more likable than…