A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

[3] I dislike remakes in general, but Michael Bay can kiss a special place on my ass for remaking and homogenizing every horror classic from my childhood. His Platinum Dunes company is a shit factory, and A Nightmare on Elm…
Amityville 3D: The Demon (1983)

Amityville 3D: The Demon (1983)

[2] A worthless, boring sequel that would suck in any number of dimensions. The third act plays like a poor man's Poltergeist and the payoff, featuring a demon that pops out of a hole and belches fire, is nothing but…
Scream 4 (2011)

Scream 4 (2011)

[6] You really aren't supposed to return to a well too many times. But in the case of the Scream franchise, I was still thirsty. So I drank... and the water's still good! Of course the novelty has worn off,…
The Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)

The Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)

[4] Director Renny Harlin's cut of this film is more quickly-paced and energetic than Paul Schrader's (both films feature the same story and most of the same cast), but it has the misfortune of stepping in a big pile of silly…
Cooties (2014)

Cooties (2014)

[4] Elijah Wood and Rainn Wilson star in this tepid horror-comedy about a group of teachers terrorized by children gone savage after infected chicken nuggets are served in the school cafeteria. I was bored with this one. It's neither funny nor…
The Baby (1973)

The Baby (1973)

[7] A social worker investigates a mother and her two adult daughters who take care of a 21-year-old man who wears diapers, sucks baby bottles, and sleeps in a baby crib. The family insist the man has the mental and emotional capacity…
Attack the Block (2011)

Attack the Block (2011)

[7] Inner-city teenagers band together to protect their south London neighborhood from an alien invasion. This one's for fans of monster movies, with interesting creature effects and a talented young cast. It kinda bugs me that the heroes (or anti-heroes)…
Fright Night (2011)

Fright Night (2011)

[5] A charmless, mediocre retelling of the 1985 cult favorite about a high school boy who discovers a vampire has moved in next door. Despite being penned by Buffy the Vampire Slayer alum Marti Noxon, the script moves far too…
Martin (1977)

Martin (1977)

[7] Everyone associates George Romero with his zombie flicks, but if you ask the director, he'll say the dark character study Martin is his favorite work. Martin is a young man (John Amplas) who believes he must drink blood in…
Super 8 (2011)

Super 8 (2011)

[6] J.J. Abrams' comprehensive homage to Spielberg's early career is a decent spooky kids' adventure movie. It does a good job stirring nostalgia among 30-somethings like myself. It's not as mysterious or suspenseful as one might expect from Abrams, the…